One more time with feeling.
Today’s Astro Alert landed in my inbox claiming this full moon is HUGE. Basically it’s a game-changing full moon. Life will never be the same. Somehow that got me here. Tossing aside procrastination, I wrote this long overdue post.
- Worried I don’t write well enough.
- Dislike editing what I write.
- Like random stream-of-consciousness writing that feels like an in-person conversation.
- Don’t want to promote on social media.
- Concerned I’m not funny or interesting.
- Worried people will take things the wrong way.
- Questioning if this is all a waste of time.
- Concerns in a post-2016 Election America that my personal safety could be compromised over a shared opinion or idea.
- Too busy with life.
- Streaming television. (Come on now! You know TV is really good these days!)
- Internet. (It exists. ‘Nuff said.)
- Time.
- Money.
- Time.
- Energy.
- Time.
- Sleepy time.
- Downtime.
- Me time.
- Time.
Oh, the repetition of doubt. (Add to that list the fact that I love lists. And maybe you don’t. See? Reasons.)
Truth is, I’ve been way too concerned about you. By the age of 20 I had developed opinions about sex. I decided that men climax easily. (I know, not all of them, let me run with this.) Much more easily than the average woman. Reasoning that reaching orgasm was simple for men, I questioned why I put so much effort into getting HIM off. I decided to really focus on MY pleasure during sex. (Mind you that in this time of my life, all sex was very casual, so this concept didn’t feel selfish at all. It felt practical. Like putting your oxygen mask on first.) I assumed the male ego was linked to sexual satisfaction. Thus, I thought if I could go big, he could go home feeling skilled and spent. The bigger my orgasm(s), the better his orgasm(s). Moving forward I focused more on what felt good to me. It seemed to work for everyone. I never had any complaints. Therefore, I’ll be applying that concept here. I’ll be getting mine. You handle yours. I don’t have power over your experience, so I just offer the pus, uh, er words.
Applying my orgasm theory to blogging led to questions:
- What do I want to write? (Versus what I think you might want to read.)
- How do I want to promote (if at all)?
- Do I have to do it all now? (AKA “does it have to be perfect to start?” And yes, I realize I already started. See next question.)
- Can I begin anew? (The answer, always, is “yes.” Every moment is an opportunity for a reset. We now know this because of the abundance of [pick random number of days] challenges coming at us digitally on the daily.)
- What would I consider a “successful blog?”
The last one was the big question for me. Defining success. Why do something that feels like failing? Back to the sex analogy. For most of us successful sex = orgasm. From that I inferred that a successful blog should somehow feel like getting my rocks off. I don’t subscribe to the more-is-more concept of success. I know I’m not for everyone. And I’m not selling you anything, so this isn’t a numbers game. If it’s not quantity, it is about quality. For me that’s quality of experience. Everything, always is about the quality of the experience. I distilled that to:
- I would enjoy the writing process.
- Someone (yes, it could be just 1) would read it.
That was about it. In it’s simplest form, my idea of a successful blog is I write and someone reads. Bonus points if reader and I do not feel it was time wasted. Super exciting if someone emails me or comments on a blog post. Huge success if I end up with an actual mailing list with regular readers.
That said, current plans include:
- Removing my photograph and personal identification information from the site to protect my anonymity and allow me to feel free to express any and everything.
- No promotion of posts via social media. I will be creating a mailing list soon-ish.
- Changing the tone of the blog a bit. Writing more personally about my journey through this life.
And there you have it.
Was it good for you? It was good for me.