Goodbye, cheeseburger!
I know, I know. You haven’t heard from me in a while (aka I suck at blogging). But since I barely started, I figured no one missed me. Is anyone reading this? Is this thing turned on?
My computer is littered with half-assed attempts to tell you why I’ve been absent. The reasons I’ve been missing in action are the same reasons those blog posts never made it to the light of day. As with most excuses, er, reasons, no one really wants to hear it. Therefore, I present to you the abridged version in some semblance of sequential order amidst the chaos:
- Was unemployed, then went back to work.
- New job was crazy stressful and I was adjusting to working a different schedule than my “normal.”
- Stopped meditating.
- Stopped cooking.
- Stopped exercising.
- Stopped other healthy habits (supplementation, proper relaxation, socializing, creativity, time in nature, etc.)
- Essentially became a stressed out couch potato.
- Chronic stress-related illness reared its ugly head (hello intestinal candida overgrowth, I haven’t seen you in a while).
- Was (sort of) diagnosed with a(nother) stress-related disease.
- Continued on a downward spiral.
- Hunted for, found, and began new job.
- Cold and flu season arrived and I got sicker. Frequently. And lingering. To the point it felt like every germ that flew by was saying “oh, what a lovely hostess she would be!” and setting up camp.
- Made a few attempts at getting back in the saddle with a healthy lifestyle and failed miserably.
- Spent lots of money on groceries from Whole Paycheck, then ended up disposing large quantities because I lacked the energy to cook.
- Spent more money to buy meals at restaurants, ultimately getting sicker, poorer, and more stressed.
- Wondered if I should just start direct depositing a portion of my paychecks into my acupuncturist’s account (needles and herbs ain’t cheap, folks).
- Caught up in the negativity, frustration and struggle of “why can’t I just be like I used to be?” I judged myself. (Hey, at least I was comparing myself to my former self and not to others. Do I get a point for that?)
- Accepted that I am where I am and I can only begin anew from here, not where I wish I had remained.
- Decided I couldn’t jump back in full speed ahead and would have to take baby steps.
- Tried baby steps and fell down more often than not.
- Realized that my steps had to be baby-er.
- Remembered that rock bottom is actually much deeper than I was willing to go.
- Somehow survived through the winter holidays and was sure that I would be better in the bright, shiny New Year.
- Decided that I must have meant the Chinese New Year.
That brings us to present. Someone sucking this much at life and writing a blog about lifestyle? YES! If there’s one thing I do, it’s keep it real. This is life. Shit happens. We fall down. Sometimes we stay down for a while before we get back up. No one can help us until we are ready to help ourselves. Two weeks ago I banged my head really hard and it was quite literally a wake-up call. I need a change, whether I’m ready or not. Move or be moved. I find life is a bit more graceful if I can be proactive rather than reactive. I don’t need more illness or pain to get me off the couch. Since I truly believe It Starts With Food, that’s where I’m beginning. I decided to embark on the 21 Day Sugar Detox. I don’t feel totally prepared, but I’m going in. Tomorrow.
In the meantime I’ve been saying goodbye to all the foods. Hey, I’m only human. A human with food issues at that. What can I say? Every day I delay is a perilous jaunt through possible indulgences. Just today, as a final goodbye, I had a heavenly bacon gruyere pastry; a whole milk, fully-fatty cappuccino; chocolates that are constantly calling my name in the office; and an amazing chuck/brisket burger, completed with aged white cheddar, spicy rémoulade, a bit of lettuce and tomato, with some thick, crispy bacon thrown on for good measure. Oh, and let’s not forget the fries. To die for. Appropriately I felt like death after consuming all of that.
I decided to stop in the name of love. Self-love. I’m being my own Valentine (yes, again this year). In that spirit, I am beginning the detox on Valentine’s weekend. It’s my gift of love to myself. Eating well truly is a form of self-respect.
So yes, I indulged a lot this week, and probably the week before that, and maybe the week before that. Anticipating diving into a detox can make me a little crazy. I know my gluttony will make the detox symptoms worse, but in some twisted way it also motivates me because I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I feel crappy because I ate crappy. Food choices have consequences and only I can take responsibility for what goes in my mouth. But wow, it all tasted great. Mmmmhmmm. And yes, my pants are hella tight. So I hope you enjoy your roses and chocolates, your champagne and romance. I’ll be doing battle with the sugar demons. See you on the other side.